It never did get old. No matter how much time ticked away, whether they were asleep, eating, playing, interacting - I just could not get enough. My heart eagerly seeking to behold them. It was simply captivating to be in their presence.
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In a different way, well before the children came along, a re-done closet would call my attention. Or newly picked up room. Or even earlier on, an essay. Attentively orchestrated. The penmanship. The ornately stacked, crisp paper. Blue scrolling of script.
Recently, its my garage. We tore into it the other week. A place for everything. And everything in its place. I find myself yearning to take a peak. I'll even stop what I'm doing elsewhere in the house just to go and walk in the space. I'm literally enchanted by the order of it. And it calls to me. Longing to be beheld. There is this fresh calmness in the lack of chaos.
It's kind of like when you're in a new romance. You simply yearn to hear the other persons name. You cannot stop gazing at them. Everything about them is intriguing.
But then, there's time. And the passing of it. Kids grow up. Homes get lived in. And eventually, even the infatuation with the 'smitten one' fades.
The keeping of time, it evades us. It swallows us up and before we know it a decade has passed. Then two. And with its passing the need to treasure moments becomes more dear. If we are lucky we haven't forgotten how to look for and see the treasure that is our life. If we are vigilant, the monster hasn't crept in and stolen from us the innate knowing.
The knowing of a moment that is to be cherished.
The lapse of conscience is so swift to steal. So hell bent on taking what is not up for grabs. Blink and you may find yourself in a downward spiral. It's like... you look. But you don't see. And what you don't see is the perfection in every flaw. Because looking with love covers every imperfection. Seeing with your heart leaves no room for disappointment.
Because when you stop looking with love and cease to see with your heart, you think you are blind. And you begin to look outside of your life. Outside of yourself. You choose to look with your eyes. And that deceives the heart. Blemishes any truth.
Time. It will blur an authentic ideal. If you are not intentional. It will take and it will flee. It will burn into embers and leave behind a smoldering ash.
Time. And the keeping of it.
We can hold fast to its passage. Ride its waves. Be willing to stand the test of it. We can help be its keeper. Or, if we choose. We can forget and get lazy. Whimsical. Arrogant. And lose momentum. We can suffer through it. Only - to wish it back.
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