And~While~We~Were~Young

The Mid-Life-Crisis. We all know someone who has been through it. Forcing others to go through it with them. We may, ourselves, be the ones who are going through it. This is not a bashing piece. It is, however the human condition.

We mock it. Society giggles. "There goes another one". We shake our heads. Because we know. It's a given. It will happen. And it never ends well.

Here's the way it unfolds. You wake up one morning. You can't breath. Where has all of the air gone? Panic ensues.  You look next to you. You see the same person you have been nesting with your whole adult life. You decide you don't like them. You look in the mirror. See a stranger. You don't like him either. You drag yourself through your day. Barely present. On auto pilot. Dying. Just dying to see it differently.

You long to end this angst. You want a do-over. All day long. You just want a do-over. Because somewhere in the midst of all you have become. All you have created. You are empty. And you are scared. Because, how could you have accomplished so much? Been a part of so many. Have so much left to do. And still feel so alone?

Well. Because it has always been about you. And you alone. The house, your ego. The kids, your virility. The car, your arrogance. So much. Yet so little. You believe it was all you. You did it all. You earned it. You built it. You alone could knock it down. You alone could choose to be the pillar. How self absorbed we are.

Inevitably, the quiet sinks in. A silence. So deafening. Oh but you are vocal. For sure. Making certain that everyone knows your misery. Everyone, except the one that really matters.

Welcome to your own private hell. If only it weren't all about you. 

~

There is a fun happening on social networks. (some are just in my head, but that's okay)  MMM ~  My~Memories~Monday. TTT ~ Time~Travel~Tuesday.  WBW ~ Way~Back~Wednesday.TBT ~ Throw~Back~Thursday. FBF ~ Flash~Back~Friday. There is a reason for all of this nostalgia seeking. It takes us out of our daily lives. Squelches the mundane. It takes us back to where we dared to dream. Where we thought we had the entire world in our hands. To where we were kings. To where we were queens. And nothing could touch us. Nothing or no one could take us down.

We fantasize and reminisce. We laugh. We cry. We long. We ache. And we believe no one could possibly understand. Some of us get there sooner than others. Studies show that those who settle down to raise families at an early age get there much sooner. Therefor the Mid~Life looks more like Just~Starting~Life to others. Making it difficult to actually see the behavior for what it actually is. A Crisis. Of the heart. Of the soul. Right in the middle of life.

I am more on target. About ten years later than my husband. (I was too busy and focused on taking care of my kids to have my Mid~Life back then). But, now that life has calmed down a bit, the kids are getting older, stronger. There is time for me to hit that plateau. Funny thing though. I am not yearning to escape. To have some half baked, whacked out experience with no remorse. To 'throw it all away'. No. I am simply feeling charmingly melancholy

Every 80's hit song haunts me in the sweetest ways. My heart skips a beat. My eyes fill up with tears. And I am 17 again. And that's okay. I actually think it's healthy. It shows me that life's circumstances did not kill me. I am alive. And, yes. There are moments that I say aloud, "I want a do-over!" And though there are plenty of things about my youthful choices that I would love to change. Really, I wouldn't change much.

What I am finding is that these moments fill me with an immeasurable gratitude. Yes, there are moments that I would give anything to relive. Good and bad. Then, the realization that we can't. We can't go back. There is only going forward. That is the truth. That is maturity. That is life.

And the gift in this knowledge is that the heart can rest in thankfulness. Thankfulness for a life lived. Memories rekindled. Laughter heard anew. Tears shed once again. A song that echoes eternally. A friendship revived. And a dance to an endless beat.

So while we yearn to be young, let us also rest in a spirit of joy. A humble reminder. That when the ache comes. To escape. To go back. At a chance to try again. We must look beyond our selves. And see the grace that was granted. For a life lived. And a life yet lived.