I wrote it today....I won't be posting it until her actual birthday in a couple of weeks. I tried not to go too deep, for I wasn't prepared for the emotions that it would take. I haven't allowed myself the reprieve of going back seventeen years.
To be honest, the past six are somewhat of a blur. Most of you know why. I hate that I allowed the past six years to steal from me this time. Nevertheless, here we are. I cannot gain back those moments, I cannot rewrite them.
Turns out, I don't have to. It is all written in every beat of my heart, every little wrinkle and gray hair (neither of which have yet to appear, thankfully) So, truthfully speaking, I neglected the writing of my "first born's poem" because I just couldn't go there. So, as I said it is not overly deep nor immensly emotional.
I did manage to capture all that embodies our special relationship, though. She is a wonder. My Bria Nicole. She was born so little...not even 7 pounds. Teeny little body, head, mouth. And the sweetest little creature to have ever entered my life.
We found out we were having a little girl in the fifth month of pregnancy. We named her right away. It was one of the most amazing times of my life. I absolutely loved every single minute of growing her. We were buddies from the get-go. We went everywhere together. Obviously. ( haha)Okay. So it looks like things may get a little mushy from here on out..,
We lived in a cozy little house, that was just perfect for us. Getting ready for her arrival was so much fun. So exciting. Everything was perfect.
I don't get to tell her too often how amazing she is. Life is SO busy...the kids are going in SO many different directions. The days aren't nearly long enough. Patience is short. The dishes are always calling. Hungry tummys, alwasy waiting to be filled. Sometimes...I just run out of words. The kids tell me that I don't answer them out loud. Which is true, I've had whole conversations with them in my head...with them being in the same room. Yes. Its true. I think, I'm just too tired to speak out loud...some of the time. (I can only imagine that my ex-husband would wish I had mastered this skill much earlier in our lives together).I am so, so grateful for those memories. Grateful still, for the gift of her.
Nevertheless, when time allows, I do try to make a point of letting her know how special she is. Even though, in the next breath, I could be barking out orders to get her room picked up. Such is the world of parenting.
Bria, if you're reading this....know how much I love you. Know that you are darling and precious to me. Know that I admire you and want all the world for you. Know that I miss you when you're not here. Know that I think you are beautiful. Know that I cherish our conversations. Know that I know you're doing a great job in school. Know that I believe you always do your best. Know that your singing astonishes me and rocks me to the core, you do the most amazing thing with your voice. It is truly magical. Sweetheart, know that I pray all your dreams come true and that you get to travel the world and see all the things your heart desires....Yes, even Australia...it is way too far away, but I know you yearn for it so. Bless you on your journey as you leave your childhood behind. Strive for your hearts contentment. Always seek God's wisdom. Never forget you are forgiven and free. Always keep in your heart the knowledge that you were mine second after God's vision. I used to say you were mine first, but it is better to have been the Lord's first. I think you know this. We've grown so much as a family the past few years. We've gone deep and we have hurt. But I do believe it was all worth it. I love who we are together, in Christ. We have a whole lot of faith. We dream, we love, we laugh. A lot. God has been so good to us. You'll be seventeen in a couple of weeks. You are as tall as me. People even say we look alike. You are a good girl. I trust you completely. I am in awe of your path. Stay true, good and honest. It will take you everywhere in life. You are an example to the younger girls. That is important. Don't let them down...,
I see you going off to college and being independent. I see you fruitful in your friendships. I see you choosing a career that you will love and bless others with. I see you courting God's perfect beau for you. I see you happily in-love. I see you in your wedding dress. I see you as a faithful, God loving wife. I see you as a beautiful, fun-loving mommy..,
I see that tiny, perfect baby in my arms. I see you as the blessing you are. I have loved and adored you all of your life. Mommy's little (5'7") cherrub! You took your naps in my arms for the first six months of your life. I just could not put you down. Know that your entire life youv'e rested in the arms of your Savior. Remember that, as you blow out your candles, on your special day. Remember that I love each and every curl on your head.
~ Matthew 9:22~Jesus said to the woman:
Hint: Pause Playlist below to enjoy video"Take heart, daughter, your faith has healed you"
Comments