There is no other emotion or experience that I can compare to repentance. The true, deeper than deep, gut wrenching, life changing, blood pumping, fist clenching, labor of sorrow. Sure, repentance is an action we take, but more than that is the seed that begets a new life. A seed may seem small to the naked eye, but think about its sole purpose. Think about what it becomes. When buried in the rich soil, watered and exposed to the light, it flourishes into the very nourishing, beautiful and sustainable life source one could not have fathomed had it not been witnessed.
We've all taken a seed and planted it in those cute little styrofoam cups in kindergarten. Some dark dirt, a little tender loving care, and a window sill and before our very eyes, sprouts a stem. A little more loving care, and some more sun light and a leaf buds. Its magical to watch. A birthing. From just a tiny seed.
The source of our seeking stems in repentance. Receiving forgiveness for the grievances we may have caused loved ones is the gift we receive for such an act of willfulness. Harder still....forgiving oneself. Isn't it amazing, how God, GOD so readily and tenderly forgives a weeping peasant, a crumbling atheist, a burnt-out addict, yet, we cannot manage to forgive ourselves? At least in the first few tries.
Repenting to the Creator of the Universe is an incredibly humbling experience. One you will not soon forget. Its more tangible than any narcotic and more satisfying than any lustful gain. I've been there. Flat out on the floor, snot flying, gasping for air, collapsing to a fetal position. Incredibly so, it is still more difficult to forgive oneself. What would that look like?
We pray for our nation and military, for our churches and communities, for our parents and children, for our health and our finances, for traffic and weather. So many of us should be praying for self-love and healing. If Christ is in us and we find ourselves loathing our own insides, how can we live? Breathe? Be a light? Its one thing to be able to forgive our enemies and altogether another to forgive ourselves.
I suggest really, really spending the necessary quiet time in prayer and meditation. Its wise to go to the Father to seek His forgiveness first. He is the One to do the job, do it right and do it the first time! It can take years of backsliding when it comes to our own willingness to let go of our ugly. But again, I remind you. God forgave us first. In order to honor Him, we need to master the act of forgiveness also. Not just our neighbors, and kids and husbands and friends. I need to forgive me. You need to forgive you. They need to forgive themselves.
We take care of homes, our cars, our bank accounts. We need to cease neglecting our spirits. The ones in which our Savior resides. Let's make His home clean and comfortable. Let's stop suffocating our Maker. Why not put out that Welcome mat and truly, truly mean it? For real this time. No take backs.
Here is an image that may help you see my point of view. Your child has messed up. They are ashamed. They may express anger and fear. They may shut down and withdraw. Act out, become irritable. It takes an awful lot of coaxing on your part and sometimes even a distancing before they work up the courage to reveal their bad deeds. After witnessing their shame, fear and true sincere repentance you instantly, automatically forgive them. No holds barred. Some time passes and they are still wallowing. Maybe misbehaving a little. They are still ashamed. Even though you promise its all forgotten. Would you not drop everything you were doing, to cradle them in your arms and reassure them with everything you have that you have forgiven them. All is good. Fresh start, clean slate. They have not forgiven themselves. Your heart would surely break. Your next step of action would be to instill in them a true, true sense of self worth. Self love. Share with them how God's love is pure, His forgiveness final. Share with them, how good it is to not hold resentment against our own spirits, inadvertantly causing the Lord an ache. Think of the blessings they will grow into, already way ahead of the game.
I know I long for His smile. I desire His never ending company. Breathe one breath at a time. Let it take hold. You are a new creation.
~ 2 Corinthians 5:17 ~
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