Forty One Candles To A Better Me

Tomorrow, I will be graced with the gift of another year lived. Another candle  blown out. Another mile travelled. Another year survived. Another opportunity to make a difference.

Big or small the opportunity is mine. I cannot fathom how the years continue to zoom past me as if I weren't even participating in them. Maybe, when I make my wish as I blow out my candle, I can ask for the next forty years to go by a little bit slower.

I think its time I start enjoying this precious gift of life and my time here on this earth. I think its time I start celebrating.  I think its time I stop worrying about tomorrow and the troubles it may bring. I think its time I stop complaining.

I have spent my whole life, as many of you have, running and racing toward this troublesome tomorrow, even though it is uncertain. Never really stopping to revel in today. Always on the move, hurling ourselves toward the next best thing.

Today, however, I want to strive just for today. I want to be present. Today. 

As a young girl, I could not wait to grow up. I wanted to be a teacher and a news broadcaster. It did not turn out that way for me because I did not even finish high school.

I did not finish high school, because I was in a hurry to be a grown up. With my own apartment and bills to pay at seventeen, school took a back seat.

Not long after that big adventure, I met my husband.  We hurried into a marriage, into a house and into parenthood. Hurry, hurry, hurry and hurry some more.

Although these things were welcome and wonderful, they were quickly attained. A great husband, a beautiful home, four, gorgeous, healthy kids. All of these appeared quickly, all of these - flew by in a flash.

So, now that I will be forty-one, I think it may be time to actually stop rushing this life of mine and start living it. And wow! What better way to be held accountable than to put it on the Web. Brilliant.
I'll admit I don't know where to start. But common sense is telling me I  may as well begin with today. And scripture is telling me to let tomorrow deal with tomorrow.

Now that's all great and dandy, but try telling that to my two elementary school aged girls that have science projects due in a week and a half. Sorry girls, I'm still working on today!

I guess that is taking the term a tad too literally. I guess what living for today really means is that we should consciously start off each morning with gratitude. Take on the day with great intention. Set out to accomplish goodness. Accept detours and willingly submit to being in the moment. Forgive ourselves and make amends when necessary.

We cannot control every event in our daily walk, but we can humbly control our response.

 A few weeks ago, my household was struck with strep and bronchitis. I was one petrified mom. No health insurance, no one to help out, it got pretty scary in our house. I was in a panic and I am still experiencing a touch of anxiety.

After two weeks of this, (I am ashamed to admit it took this long) I fully committed the illness, my kids and my panic to God. Dare I say, I woke up.

What was I thinking? I had been whining and begging God to take this away. I finally got on my knees and I prayed my little heart out. I also promised that I would start each day with my bible. Something I have neglected to do for the last little while.

This was not a bribe. I know better than that. And I certainly was not striking a bargain with Almighty God. My promise to re-commit to daily reading was a thank you. Even if this sickness had lingered or gotten worse, I still needed to be thankful. Thankful that we can turn to prayer in time of need. Thankful that there is One who will hear.

So now, my Holy Bible sits on my kitchen table, in  a place of honor, when I go to bed at night. While the big kids are getting ready in the wee hours of the morning, oh, lets say 5:30 am, I can dedicate my very first thoughts and moments to the One who deserves them.

This is my new way of 'living for today'. Not worrying about tomorrow. There is so much in life to be grateful for on a daily basis. I have spent too much time focusing on all the troubles of tomorrow, I'm afraid I have missed out on some really special moments.

But that is the amazing thing about birthdays. If we pay attention, we gain knowledge and wisdom, perspective and direction. I certainly didn't think this way at twenty or thirty. I'm so glad I made it another year. I'm glad I am a year wiser.

I love birthdays. Especially my children's. I always spend the day before their special day re-telling them their birth story. I even get really silly and pretend I'm actually experiencing labor pains. This makes them smile and laugh. At key times I tell them what was occuring on the eve of their appearance. "Oh my, it's 4:30pm, we just barely made it into the parking lot in time!" We usually celebrate the whole week. Its a real special time in our home, honoring their births.

But for me, I have spent so many birthdays worrying about being forgotten and neglected. Experiencing disappointment and rejection. No special memories or tales to share. But not this year. This one is between me and God. His version of the Happy Birthday song, is all I need.

I want to honor him by living the best life I can. I am so blessed and so grateful to have another chance and the reminder that I get to try and get it right.

I may not have accomplished an enviable career, my name may not be lit up in lights, I have not travelled the world, nor contributed exceedingly to society. But God has chosen me. Just like he has chosen you. To do somehthing, anything, everything good. To live with a purpose and a joy.

Tomorrow, forty~one years ago, I was born. I haven't always been 100% happy about being here. I know that my appearance made some lives difficult. I also know that my appearane has made some lives worth living. Having always been timid about my special day, because of a lack of  selfworth, it has taken this long for me to be really, really excited about my birthday.

It may be a quiet night home with the kids and my Hallmark Channel Movies, but its perfect for us! My goal is to start my day with prayer, try my absolute hardest to walk a righteous road and to be fully present for today.

 
So, Happy Birthday to me. Today I am grateful for the Lord revealing to me His desire for me. So very grateful for Him revealing to me, my worth in Him. May my next forty years be spent loving and serving the One who created me out of nothing. Living each day for the day. Living each moment for the moment. Loving others for who they are, right where they are.

Hint: Pause Play List below to enjoy video

 ~ Matthew 6:25-34 ~

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
"So do not worry, saying, `What shall we eat?' or `What shall we drink?' or `What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."