The Road Down Recollection Valley

Girls...remember when I said I was going to revisit some places....well, this is where it probably gets pretty real. I was all prepared to write about my sweet, dear, Buddy Bear.

However ...
As I was collecting my thoughts and thinking about how I wanted to express the amazing love that occurs between a dog and his family, I embarked on a trip through recollection valley. I came across some redemptive pit stops, more than one regretful u-turn, quite a few shameful dead-ends and a whole bunch of water under the bridge exits. It is by the Grace of God that this road trip ended on a blazingly sunny pasture with a flowing brook and meandering paths, overgrown with daisies and lilies of the valley, weeping willows, glorious oaks and every shade of lavender. I found myself in the land of Goshen.

It turns out that you do have to struggle through some undesirable travels in order to recognize the destination when you finally get there.

                                                           

~ We found out Buddy was sick almost three months ago. It was a devastating, fatal diagnosis. He was only four and a half years old making him the youngest dog in my vet's practice to be this ill. He also lasted the longest of any dog with such an illness.  He is my hero. Buddy was so strong, he did not cry or whimper until the very end. It just became too much to bear.

It was a long two and a half months. Watching him deteriorate was heartbreaking, but before we got to that point, he really did experience rejuvenation with his medication. For a little while there, we had our old Buddy Bear back.

The day we learned the news, was just surreal ~awfully painful and yet, a welcoming peace transcended upon all of us.

Maybe a few weeks or a month before I took him to the vet, I had a dream about Buddy. He had a gaping raw wound half the size of his body on his side, he collapsed and died in my arms.

I woke up more physically and emotionally exhausted than I could ever remember. I lived the pain of losing him in my dream.

It did not sit well with me and I could not shake the feeling of devastation and loss for days. I prayed that it meant nothing, this dream.~             

~ It all began when my mom had convinced Bria that a puppy should come to live with us. Bria had always dreamt of having a dog and everyone knew this about her. It had been about six months since my husband had moved out we were just barely going through the motions.


Needless to say, Buddy Bear brought a whole lot of love and sunshine into our lives and our hearts would never beat the same again.

 As the story goes on, Buddy Bear would bring much, much more to our lives than I could ever imagine.


My mother had a very difficult childhood, which resulted in a not so close relationship for the two of us. I moved out at a young age and things had never really gotten better over the years. The reason I bring this up is that it was out of character for her to come through for us the way she did. By this I mean that a promise was made and the promise was kept! She was officially the best Grandmom in the world. This simple act of love and selflessness created something special between my mom and myself. Being an immigrant, she has worked menial jobs and never had much...she scrimped and saved like mad to get Buddy for us. He came from a breeder and he cost a bundle!


Everyone loved Buddy. He was a show stopper and an attention stealer. It couldn't be helped, humble as he was, there wasn't a soul that could pass him by and keep walking. Twenty other dogs in the neighborhood and Buddy was the one getting all of the attention. Bless his heart!  

~ Now, the part where this gets super real for me. Flashback to 1995 and the birth of my first daughter. I can't explain why or what it was that had me insist that my in-laws not come to the hospital for the actual delivery.

I can only say that I was very young and possibly because of my childhood without a father and a distant, non-existent relationship with my mom, I sincerely thought I needed this intimate private experience to be shared only by my husband and myself.

Unfortunately at the time, I did not consider the hurt that this would cause. This memory causes a great deal of pain and regret in my heart.

That day 16 years ago set the stage for the rest of our relationship.  Distance.  

   In Buddy's passing, he blessed us with a unique gift...

He presented the opportunity for me to open my heart and my families' life to my mother-in-law, finally. The most intimate experience of saying good-bye to a cherished family member was the setting for a host of blessings...

We already had plans for the day and it was not supposed to involve taking Buddy in for his last appointment. However, as the Holiday weekend progressed, Buddy's health declined. My mother-in-law got to the house just in time as we were rushing Buddy to the doctors. I asked if she minded coming and sitting with Becca, just in case she changed her mind about saying her final good-byes to Buddy Bear.

When we got to the office, Becca was still pretty certain that she would be able to come in with us, so....I invited my mother-in-law in with us. She accepted.

Buddy's final gift to us, here on this earth...

Steeped in forgiveness and redemption, my children, myself and my mother-in-law experienced something so intimate and so personal. Something so painful and so beautiful... Together.

This precious dog came into our lives by the heart of one grandmom and left us for heaven, clinging to the heart of another.

God's hand is working, in all ways, constantly. He provides the time and the place for love and forgiveness. He allows grievances for His purpose and His purpose alone.

~ Jeremiah 29:11 ~

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.